What the Color of Roses Contain
by dutchtulips
Summary: post anakin's turning. slightly AU. when an accident leaves obi-wan sightless, only one person can help him restore his strength. . . . . . .(chapter three is now up.)
1. I

The Color of Roses

by mrs~*~kenobi

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Standard Disclaimer: Uncle George owns it all....blah, blah, blah...

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AN~ this fic is unlike anything I've ever done before. although anakin has turned, it's slightly AU. (you'll understand when you read it.) and, for once, it's not a songfic! 

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The Color of Roses

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Obi-Wan Kenobi looked out upon the city of Theed as the sun began to set, eyes filled with pain. His face was expressionless, but his blue-green eyes could not have been filled with more emotion. "Was it something I did? Or something I _didn't _do?" he whispered to himself.

It was still going around in his head: why it had happened. "I suppose maybe I was too full of myself to realize what was really going on..." Obi-Wan uttered. "Anakin...whatever it is that I did, I'm sorry. I really am. But whatever you did, you didn't have to turn to the Dark Side...any alternative was better than that."

Tears started to well up in his eyes. Quickly he wiped them away with the back of one hand. Obi-Wan didn't want to cry. _I can't. I won't. _He sniffled, the tears already deciding to spigot. 

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Stop this, Obi-Wan ordered himself sternly. _You can't fall apart. If **I** fall apart, Amidala will know there is no hope left. I have to be strong for Amidala. _

But she understands, his other voice said. _She knows there's no hope left anyway. And you're hurting inside. It's okay to cry and to be sad. Besides, no one is stopping you. No one is going to tell you that you cannot. _

Obi-Wan clenched his teeth with annoyance. He backed away from the balcony railing, pacing angrily. 

You can be sad, you can cry...no, Obi-Wan. You have to be strong. You will not break down.....no, if you are in pain, do not pretend that you are not. The strongest of men cry...no! you can't lose your composure! you have to. . .

"STOP! SHUT UP!" Obi-Wan yelled at his arguing thoughts. He stormed furiously to the balcony doors, not seeing the potted plant on the floor. Obi-Wan stepped right on top of it, completely losing his balance. The pot broke and he fell backwards, hitting the back of his head hard against the rail.

~*~

"Obi-Wan?" Amidala tapped on the door to his quarters. "Are you in there?"

No answer.

"Obi-Wan?" the Queen began to grow worried. She pressed a few buttons next to the door and it slid open. 

The room was quiet and didn't seem disturbed. "Obi-Wan?" she called softly. "Where are you?"

Amidala noticed the ajar balcony doors. Gripping the handles, she pulled the glass doors open. 

"Oh my Gods!" she gasped, notcing the unconscious Obi-Wan laying on the floor of the balcony. Amidala kneeled down at his side. Gently, she put her hands on his shoulders and shook him. "Obi-Wan!" she cried. 

Slowly he began to come around.

"Oh, thank you...thank you..." Amidala sighed, gripping her hands against her chest as Obi-Wan began to awaken. She wrapped her arms around Obi-Wan and hugged him. "Thank the Gods you're all right! What happened?"

The Jedi brought his hands up, feeling around him. "A-Amidala?"

"Yes! I'm here, Obi-Wan. You're okay now," she said, tightening her grip around him. 

Obi-Wan's hands touched her arm, moving faster. He held Amidala's arm tightly.

"What's wrong?" she asked, concerned. He was acting very peculiar and wasn't looking at her. Amidala reached out and turned Obi-Wan's face toward hers. He trembled under her touch.

"Amidala.....I-I.... " he stuttered.

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Something is very wrong, Amidala thought. "Tell me, what is it?"

"Amidala....I can't see."

~*~

A half an hour later, Obi-Wan was sitting on his bed, Amidala across from him. She was looking into his eyes intently. "Can't you see me?" she asked, practically begging. 

".....I can't."

"Focus, Obi-Wan. I'm sitting right here, in front of you. Don't try so hard and just relax," Amidala told him.

A moment of silence passed. "I'm sorry, Amidala...I can't see anything. Only darkness. I can hear you...I can touch you...but I can't....see you."

"How did it happen?" she asked.

"I stepped on a potted planet on the balcony, lost my balance, and hit my head on the railing," Obi-Wan answered. "I awoke to you shaking me, and....all was black."

"Oh my," Amidala whispered. "But Obi-Wan you can't be blind, you just can't be!"

"...Amidala...I am. There's nothing I can do."

Obi-Wan, unsuspecting, immediately began trembling as Amidala hugged him. "What is it?" she asked.

"I...I can't see you...you scared me..." 

Tears came to the Queen's eyes. She bit her lower lip as she stared at Obi-Wan, knowing what this all meant. "Let me help you," she said. "Even if you can't use your eyes to see, you can use your hands."

"I don't know, Amidala...why bother?" he said depressingly. "You can't help me and I can't help myself."

Amidala wiped her eyes. "You're wrong, Obi-Wan," she said, trying to cover the quivering from crying in her voice. _I can't let him hear me cry for him. I have to be strong for him. _"I care for you deeply...and I am going to help you regain your strength."

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To Be Continued. . . 


	2. II

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What the Color of Roses Contain

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Chapter Two

by ~mrs. k.~

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~*~

It was near afternoon the next day as Amidala swallowed hard, looking down at sleeping Obi-Wan. This man was all she had left now; her whole life. And now he was blind. The Queen knew it was up to her to now be the savior, but it wasn't going to be easy. He was still Obi-Wan, but Amidala felt he would never be the same. 

She wasn't quite sure how to help him, but somehow she would do it. It amazed her of the amount of faith Amidala had in herself. And Obi-Wan. It was up to her to be strong now. Obi-Wan now how to fall back on _her._ She only hoped he would have faith in himself.

"Obi-Wan..." the Queen leaned forward, touching his shoulder, saying his name softly. 

A moment passed before he responded to her touch. Obi-Wan opened his eyes, the blue green orbs staring out blankly. He reached out his hands, feeling around him.

Amidala held her breath, sitting perfectly still. Obi-Wan had to know on his own that she was here. _Come on, Obi-Wan. You can do this. Trust yourself._

Obi-Wan fumbled with his hands, trying to get a feel of what was around him. He blinked and sat up, tracing his fingers over the bedclothes. "Amidala....?" he said weakly.

Tears rolled down Amidala's cheek at the sight. It scarred her to him like this. He was the strongest person she knew and how it pained her Amidala to seem him in the opposite.

Suddenly, Obi-Wan's fingers tumbled forward, finding The Queen's face. Running them down her cheeks, he felt her tears. 

Amidala couldn't stand it any longer. "I'm here," she whispered, reaching out and taking hold of his wrists. 

"You were crying," he replied.

Amidala felt guilty. "Come on," she pulled him off the bed with her.

~*~

"Here's the keypad," Amidala said, holding one of Obi-Wan's wrists, putting his fingers in the buttons. They were standing in front of the doors to Obi-Wan's quarters. "See, they're in a square and numbered straight across. All you have to do is count them." She directed his fingers to the right buttons. 

"Use your instincts," Amidala advised, leading him into the room. "Nothing's changed in here. Just try to see it in your mind." The Queen stepped away from him and sat on the bed.

Slowly, Obi-Wan reached out with his hands. Finding the wall, he followed it. Eventually his touch found smooth wood. 

"The bureau," he said softly. "Right?"

Amidala smiled. "Yes, Obi-Wan. You remember. Just see it in your mind."

Obi-Wan seemed unsure for a moment, concentrating, then began slowly walking around. "Am I....Am I doing all right? I'm not about to bump into anything? I know that there's empty space here, and over there's the bed," he pointed, unbeknownst to him it was directly at Amidala.

"You're doing great," Amidala assured him, smiling to herself. "Now, you can get to the bed then, can't you?"

He slowly started walking forward again. Obi-Wan reached one hand out, and came in contact with one of the bedposts. Cautiously, he stepped forward, stopping inches in beside the bed. "I...can still feel where things are through the Force, but everything is still quite fuzzy," he told Amidala.

"It probably will be," she replied gently. "But I'll always be right here." Amidala reached over and took one of his hands. "The bed is right next to you if you want to sit down."

Obi-Wan hesitated for a few moments, then finally sat down. Amidala took his other hand and sat cross legged in front of him. "Are things getting any better?" she asked. 

"I don't know," he said. "I still feel hopeless."

"No, don't say that," Amidala said. "Things will get better, I promise. Maybe all of this has happened for a reason." She titled his chin sideways to look into his eyes. 

Obi-Wan trembled. "I'm sorry. It's still hard getting used to you touching me unexpectedly."

"It's...it's...." the Queen looked hard into his eyes as they continued to stare out into the void. _Oh, no, I forgot about his eyes..._ Amidala started to weep. _I found comfort in those eyes...when I looked into them I felt hope...and when Obi-Wan looked at me with those blue green eyes it was as if he was pulling me from the wreckage of everything...no one else could ever look at me through Obi-Wan's blue green eyes._ "Can't you see me?" she asked, trying to conceal a sob from his ears.

But he knew she was crying again. Obi-Wan reached out with the Force, trying to touch Amidala's mind. It was still rather fuzzy, but he finally picked up on her grief.

"....I can't...." he replied, understanding. "I'm so sorry, Ami, I just can't...."

She sniffled and hugged him, sort of surprised that he didn't tremble this time. But chances were Obi-Wan had expected it. And wanted her to. 

"You probably won't understand this," Amidala started, "but when you'd come into my chambers to comfort me, it wasn't so much that you words helped make me feel better, but it was just that you were there...and that, when I looked up into your eyes, they said everything. They _spoke _to me. Looking into your eyes made me feel better. I saw hope and strength there. I knew that you wouldn't let me fall."

Obi-Wan hugged her tight. "No, I do understand. That's why it hurts so much to be sightless. I can't be strong for you. I can't _be there_ for you like I was before. Only a few days before. I can't find that hope in your eyes either."

Amidala jerked her head up to look at him, to find some emotion in his expression. "Really?" she wiped at her tears.

"Really."

They sat there for a long moment, hugging and crying together. While Obi-Wan held Amidala in his arms, he strangely felt some sort of hope from within, instead of grief. 

"...But you _do _have strength," she finally said. "It all depends on how you look at it. This accident could have happened to help you become stronger. And to regain that confidence that you lost when Anakin turned."

"But...but...what about you? It must be even worse for you. I _know _you've lost a lot of hope," Obi-Wan replied.

"From you," she said. "By helping you to regain your strength I've for once felt needed."

Obi-Wan smiled. "Do you think I'll ever see again?"

Amidala thought for a moment. "I don't know. All we can do is wait....and hope."

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To Be Continued. . .


	3. III

this is the last chapter. enjoy! :) ~mrs. k.

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What the Color of Roses Contain

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Chapter Three

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by ~mrs. k.~

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It was late, after midnight, and Obi-Wan was lying on his bed, Amidala asleep next to him. The last few days, since he had lost his sight, she had stayed with him. 

Amidala had an arm wrapped around his neck and the other clutching Obi-Wan's right shoulder. She let out a long breath in her sleep and shifted. Obi-Wan reached up and took her hand, playing with her fingers. He thought about what Amidala had said to him earlier. Maybe he _had_ lost his sight so that he could become stronger. 

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I don't know what to believe, Obi-Wan thought. _I don't even know what to feel or to say anymore. I feel worthless. I don't care what Amidala says. I may not be a worthles being, a lost cause, to her, but I am to me. It's what I think about mysel..._

"It's what I think about myself," he whispered. And in that one instant, Obi-Wan felt it all coming back. His strength, his confidence, his will to carry on. His faith in himself.

Slowly, as to not disturb Amidala, Obi-Wan carefully slipped out of her grasp and sat up. The Force...it was coming back! Things were starting to become clear again in his mind. The pain from Anakin's turning, the one deep sorrow he had started out with, was still there, but Obi-Wan knew it always would be. But right now he felt renewed...reborn...

"Here...yes, it's right there..." Obi-Wan whispered, reaching out to the nightstand next to the bed. "Here's the lamp," he switched it on and off. Quickly the Jedi swung his feet over the side of bed and stood up. 

"Bedpost," he touched and sensed different articles in the room, naming them off as he did so. "Right there is the bureau...fan switch...light switch...picture on the wall...closet doorknob..."

Obi-Wan felt glorified. He could see it all in his mind! It was as if he were looking at it with his own eyes. "The Force has returned to me!" he exclaimed. "Right here are the balcony doors...and there's the desk...the refresher door..."

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I've got to wake up Amidala and tell her the Force has finally returned to me, he thought, bounding towards the bed where she was still asleep. He sat and reached out for her.

Obi-Wan's fingers touched and traced the outline of her cheek. He stopped, then went slower. Gently he traced them down Amidala's jaw line, under her chin, then up over to her left jaw. Suddenly he withdrew his hand. 

"Amidala?" he said quietly. "Are you awake?"

When he received no answer, Obi-Wan reached out to her again. He traced his thumb over her bottom lip.

Amidala, half asleep, stirred. Everything felt like a dream. She felt someone touching her face. "Anakin - ?" she muttered in her sleep. The fingers cradled one side of her face. Her blue black lashes fluttered halfway open. 

"Amidala?"

The Queen opened her brown eyes wider. "Obi-Wan..."

He swallowed hard. "Ami? Are you awake?"

"I felt your touching my face..." she sputtered. 

"Did I wake you?" Obi-Wan asked, forgetting about everything...that he was blind, that the Force had returned to him...suddenly it was Amidala who only mattered now.

"Sort of," Amidala replied.

"I'm sorry...I had to tell you something, though," he said.

Amidala sat up. "What is it?" she tried searching his expression, depressingly remembering that Obi-Wan's eyes could not say anything.

"The Force...it's come back," he said. "Everything is clear again...well, there's still the exception of my eyesight, but I can finally, clearly, sense everything again."

Amidala smiled and hugged him. "That's wonderful! Things _are _getting better! I told you they would."

Obi-Wan hugged back tightly. "I have you to thank," he replied softly. "I know it's only been a few days, but it's felt like a year. Without you to help me, I don't know what I would have done."

Amidala loosened her embrace and looked at him, smiling. "That's so sweet of you to say. Thank you, too, Obi-Wan," she said and gave him a small kiss on the lips.

Obi-Wan blinked a few times, speechless. "What'd you do that for?"

"I'm sorry, did I startle you again?" she asked.

"No...it was...just a.... surprise, that's all," he assured her.

"Oh...well," Amidala smiled again. "You know, you're my greatest friend, Obi-Wan. I'm so happy that things are getting better. Perhaps for the both of us." She yawned. "It's almost two o'clock in the morning. Do you mind if I try to sleep a little more? If I don't, I'll be a nightmare tomorrow."

"No, I don't mind. I was just going to say the same thing."

Obi-Wan laid there for a while, until he was sure Amidala was safely asleep next to him, and got up. Opening the balcony doors, he cautiously stepped out onto the balcony. A breeze brushed against him.

"She kissed me. . . ."

~*~

The next morning, Obi-Wan knocked on the door of Amidala's bedchamber doors. 

"Come in," she called. 

He opened the doors to reveal the Queen standing there, tidying up her room. She was wearing a simple dress of pale violet silk. "Hi, Obi-Wan. Sorry I left you this morning. I just had to come back to my bedroom and put on some fresh clothing and makeup. I hope you don't mind."

"No, it's all right," he replied, sitting down on her bed. 

"Everything okay?" Amidala asked, stepping in front of her vanity to examine herself in the mirror. She picked up a brush and ran it through her chestnut curls. "Is the Force getting clearer for you?"

"Yes," Obi-Wan replied with a smile. "Every minute."

"That's great," she smiled back. The Queen brushed down her dress. "Oh Gods, I look awful." She stared at her reflection.

"No, you don't Amidala. Lavender really is your color."

She scoffed. "No, I always look bad in -" Amidala paused, her eyes slowly growing wider with realization. She turned around and looked at Obi-Wan, speechless. "No..." she whispered, a hopeful smile growing on her face.

Obi-Wan smiled harder and rose to his feet. Nodding, he said, "Yes."

Amidala sniffled and dove into his open arms. Obi-Wan twirled with her around and around. 

"You can see again!" she sobbed. "You can see!"

Obi-Wan put her back down. "I remember last night when I was sitting out on the balcony - after you'd fallen asleep. I was just thinking over everything that had happened the past few days. And I realized something. I went to bed then, and when I woke up, everything was clear. Inside _and _out."

"What was it?" Amidala asked.

He reached out and wiped the tears from the Queen's face and whispered softly, "That I.....that I....love...you."

Amidala started to cry again. 

"What? What is the matter?" Obi-Wan asked nervously, afraid he'd said the wrong thing.

She smiled up at him, picking up on his tone. "No, Obi-Wan. It's all right. It's just - I love you, too."

"Really?" he asked, bewildered.

"Yes," Amidala said.

The Jedi and the Queen embraced each other tightly. "Even though you still love Anakin?" he whispered in her ear.

"Anakin was my husband, and I will always love him for the caring and kind man he once was. But I love you for the caring and kind man that _you are_," she whispered back.

Obi-Wan loosened his grip to look into Amidala's eyes as she stared straight back into his. There they stood for many moments, just looking into each other's eyes. 

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How I've missed that look, they both were thinking.

Obi-Wan smiled, sensing that her thought was the same as his. Leaning in closer, his lips fell on Amidala's in one perfect kiss.

~*~*~*~

el fin 

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